life...is hard!!!

2.14.09.....11.40am

I realise something today. No matter how close a fiend can get to you...they are still a total stranger no matter what happens... I was very upset on this day because I was punished for the mistakes I did and it makes me to wake up and look at the world that life is not always like the fairytale stories...

It was a small argument for me but it has upset her so much that she thinks I need some behaviour changes, and till then she will refuse to talk to me. On this day

( it is Valentine's Day ) u noe??? And here I am getting this punishment. I feel like a criminal who has been just accused of murdering somebody. Well, it is my own fault because I thought friends were my closest relatives I had. Now I know that...blood is thicker that water. From today onwards , I will never trust my friends no matter how close they get to me...

They only know me by physically ( who likes to craps and act inmatured and obviously don't make them laugh...from my point of view!!! ) but little do they realise that I also have a little heart deep inside my soul who is deeply hurt every single day and still struggling to get out of all this mess I have done throughout my life and by the way they have made assumption about me...

I realise that nobody is perfect and I am nobody! I just want to tell everyone out there that, Life is short and you gotta take in the good stuff and throw away the bad things!!!

This 'special' day had taught me a very valuable lesson. Never let yourself to be committed whit somebody you love because once you have started to have a strong desire on them...it is very hard to let go!!!

Lastly......i just want to say: I am sorry for everything that I have done!!!

THAIPUSAM....

Today was meant to be a good day where everyone was happy carrying the 'kavadi's' and the 'paal kudam' but not for me....it has been very disastrous as I didn't get to go to temple and the worst pray was.....I WAS LONELY!!!

Nobody cared to ask me whether I am alive or not..... I am very disappointed!!!

But I really wish I didn't cry that much....phew!!! my eyes are sore and I can feel the stinging sensation around my eyes!!! It much of the pain that the people around ma has caused. But I need to ask this question again....Am I the one to be blamed?

I hope everything will turn out to be the day I always dreamt of.....ha

GOOD NIGHT FOLKS!!!

1.15pm

I knew this would happen....I was pretty sure about it!

We almost fight or should I say argue about everything. I never knew it would be today because it was something I never expected to hear from her! I thought she was cool about it. However I was wrong again... It was my mistake. I shouldn't have disturbed her for no reason....no wonder she was mad at me! I am the one to be blamed...





I felt very bad and very disappointed when she scolded me...I was so sad that I almost cried but I kept it to myself. I knew I should not cry because this is a simple misunderstanding.....but I can't help it.....I am very sorry Kalai!!!



I was so sad...I could not help it but to wait until ma history lesson was over....I lied to Renugaa telling that I need to washroom but instead I cried in the toilet...Then I realise I don't want to say sorry to her but I knew that was my mistake , so I have to take the blame from her...





From today onwards I promise to behave myself and not to act like a baby...Forgive me for everything that I have done...





However I am feeling very shy and humiliated to go and ask her sorry because she is in the same class with me and sitting behind me....but I have to take up the courage and ask ma forgiveness from her...





oh......my lord I hope she will forgive me for everything wrong that I have done!

I didn't meant to hurt her feelings.....