tired but still hanging...

Yes it is true what they say, when you are at home you will be very lazy and tired but I hope I will not be very lazy since the only thing that keeps me still going on will be my driving lesson....speaking about driving lesson,

Few days ago, I was so eager to for the lesson and as usual, I text message the uncle to know when will be the lesson, but to my  surprise he did not reply so at first I thought he was mad at me for asking me when is the lesson all the time. My fear grew and the I felt very jittery about myself to text him as for I know he will call me to let me know when is the next lesson so I tried all sorts of things to calm myself by telling he will not be mad at me.

 Afterfew days, I got to know that one of my closest friend is taking the same class with another uncle in the same centre, after getting to know more about it I called her and we had a short phone conversation and she gave me the courage to call him and tried to talk to him...I really appreciate it

So it was a public holiday yesterday so I did not call him but  this morning, I call him with high expectation through my house phone, to my dismay he did not pick up the phone, I started to get very nervous as my call was heading to voice mail.

Then after 30 minutes, I called him through my mobile phone and he picked up...

ME: "Hello"

UNCLE: " Heloooooo,"

ME : " Can i know when is the next lesson?"

UNCLE: " Later, I will call you"

ME: "Okie"

That was it, yup that was it....short but it was not as intimidating as i taught, I was happy though because he was not mad at me.

JUST WAIT............PATIENTLY which is not me!!!

happy ending...

It has been days bygone and still waiting and hoping for something magical to come just to cheer up the days of boredom and blase..

It is not about the happy endings....its the begining of the new life journey that is gonna be the teacher all the way till we reach the top.

Let just not brag about it, it is nothing big but its important and it is a compulsory that I have to attend to the most important event of my life which will decide whether I am capable of surviving all the harsh and pain that I have gone through for the year. It is the SPM RESULTS which will decide where I will belong and am I capable of deciding the right moves for my future that still awaits to be explored!

It is not sure when is the date but it is important for me to know when because it is something meaningful for me.It won't be painful but it will not be blissful to know the truth of what it is like but I wish I had tried more harder because it was an opportunity of a lifetime...

I just wish I will get all A'S as for it is my only dream to make it realise. I am thanking the teachers who has marked the paper, thank you for being tolerant and thanks to my mom who keeps encouraging me to keep moving on even though I felt  my life is coming apart. Thankz mom, thanks for everything you have done to me till no. If the is any gratitude for me to show you, it is not enough because you are simly worth more than that...


Thanks to my friends who have shown me so pleasure when I felt lie giving up...You words means alot to me to continue moving on...

If is was not for my teachers who have not shown love to us even when you know we are not perfect, thanks for everything you have shown and cared for us...miss you very much. I will never forget you no matter what happens.

Lastly if it is not for the very special person, I might not be born ino this worl. If it isnot for this special person, I would not have realise my dreams and I may not found out the pleasure of life ignoring the problems we have faced...thank god for helping me to get throug the hurdles that I have been through...

IF I SAY:

When everything around you seems to feel apart and you don't have hope still standing, it was when you heart feel weak and you wish you can surrender...

There is still hope for you to see the world tomoorrow to smile and realise you still have chance to make you dreams come true.

You were to be dead tomorrow and there is no one with to catch you when you fall.It is when you realise you are cheated by those who were nice.

You are merely somebody who was a gimmick in my play and that's when you are crushed to part and without any clue you just disappear from the crowd.

You were to be alone and there is no one whith you, you just look at me and say

"I will survive from the odd" but inside you might think "Is that possible?"

I will like your courage...

IF I SAY

it is your final chance to realise the dreams you have been hoping to achieve even though you know the world out there is harsh and will not give in for you but I know you can do it no matter what comes in between us!

All the right moves..

All the right friends and the all the wrongs places, so yeah we are going down!!!~~~
All the right moves and the all the right faces, so yeah we are going down!!!~~~

These lines kinda remind me of my high school times where i was confused about myself.
I was thinking all about what people will think about me and I never appreciated what I had for myself and I was seeking to be the perfectionist in myself that know  when I look back I feel that i was almost a perfectionist who still wonders and was still confused!

do you think I'm special?
do u think I'm nice?
am I bright enough to shine your spaces?


It was confusing to me to as I was growing with the other when I thought I need someone at that time who will make me feel so special but as time passes by, I felt defeated and cheated because I was lonely!

sad.....

Is this all I got to say in my blog??


YES...INDEED.....it is yours remember??

It is indeed a sad beginning for me as I could not even finish my driving practises properly not to mentin I was not able to pull the hand break....it was just sooooo  insulting and embarrassing. I tried to talk to my sis and she went
              " Haha, you never gonna get the license in a month and u r so lame and guess wat you never gonna be a better driver than me."

It was so painful but I kept my mouth shut, after all she is gonna fly to UK soon and I will not be seeing her for a along time and maybe never at all, who knows she might settle down in UK itself...

However, it was so nasty of her to say such cruel things about me, I was very angry...yeah I know, future lawyer, blah, blah, blah........does that mean that she have to so rude to me eventhough I am just her sister??

Well, look at her and look at me.........comparing both of us, she is far much more older than me and did I say "wise"???? Maybe...hahahaa


For know, I am jobless ang I kinda miss my old job as a cashier minus the hardwork but if you ask me to go, definitely I will not go because it is so tiring and I AM SICK OF IT!!! But for now I am juz finding plkeasure in my driving eventhough it is not as regular as I thought!!!

JUST KEEP MY FINGERS CROSSED...

HOPE....NOTHING ELSE....

hope....nothing else


Is it me or you
I wonder everytime I think about you
I am confused over what hav juz happened
Is it me or you
Am I not bother anymore??
Do I not to be loved anymore??


Then,
why do I feel lonely
even when I tried my best to stay awake
from all the odds

Is there still hope lies beneath the pain I'm going through?
I wonder sometimes
Is it wrong to find some hope...
which meant for me only?

Is it me who is alone here...
Is there someone to help
HOPE...NOTHING ELSE...



P.S: I want to feel alive again...